It’s been nearly five months since I last put out a blog; a lot has been happening and well, also a lot hasn’t been happening, as you’ll see. Today’s blog will touch on my foam fighting journey as well as talk about my struggles over the last year, despite 2024 being a pretty positive year overall. Feel free to use the table of contents to jump around. Sadly there isn’t much information about future content, but reading the blog will explain why that is.

The Foam Fighting Journey

I last checked in on my foam fighting journey in my October Blog Post. I had some trouble going to fighter practice but I was still fighting and I talked about a few particularly good fighting days. I was eager to continue my journey but alas, it was not to be. My car engine crapped out on me and I was without a car for a few months. I talk about that HERE.

I got my car back in January but I’ve only been to one fighting practice since then (you can see the VOD HERE) and it was not for a lack of trying. Between canceled fighter practices and other obligations I was unable to get any dedicated fighting time. Sadly I don’t see that changing anytime soon for I have injured my knee.

It’s nothing serious, no big injury, it’s probably just a pulled muscle, but it gets aggravated pretty easily. I think it stems from when I was doing some stretching a few month ago. I had over done it and my left knee area was sore. I didn’t think much of it, I assumed it healed as after a few days since walking wasn’t an issue any more, then I went to Northern Lights Coronation Campout. I spent four days walking around and boy was my knee area sore by the end of the campout. I was not healed. In fact since that event my knee has been more easily aggravated.

Fast forward a month and I’m at the Amtgard holding, Eternal Glades, and I did a little sparing with Burbarry and Gustav. After only ten minutes or so I had to call it. I could feel my knee weakening under the impact of moving while fighting. That’s when I realized I’m in no condition to do any fighting.

Hopefully this won’t last to long. I went and saw the doctor for the injury and she has recommended physical therapy. I’m still waiting to arrange my first session of physical therapy but I’m eager to get it started. I would like to get back to fighting as quickly as I can.

The Truth About Last Year

Last year was the first year in several years where I felt a marked improvement in my health. Thanks to a trip to London I was forced to go from 5+ years of sedentary induced atrophy, to walking 10,000+ steps a day; no adjustment period. That first week was a kind of a mild hell, but by the second week walking became less of a chore. I blame this forced exercise as the start of a healthier year. For more about that you can check out this BLOG POST.

I was able to harness this jumpstart to help motivate me in other areas of my life. I saw my engagement in LARP, increase, I was actually playing the game, not just watching and recording content. My YouTube Channel was also going well, I got to go to Sword Knight Boot Camp and I added new foam fighting instructional videos. Looking back, it almost felt like a fog was lifting on my life.

Yet despite those gains, by the end of the year I was starting to feel burnt out with content creation, which I talked about in this BLOG POST. I took a little break and I was able to stave off a full blown burnout but I had seriously lost a lot of my drive. Once I started posting YouTube videos again I was no longer able to keep my weekly posting cadence. I wish I could say that it bothers me that I have not been posting weekly, but it doesn’t, which is a problem in and of itself.

Apathetic Struggles

For nearly two years I posted on a weekly schedule and I’m proud I was able to accomplish that. Part of me wishes I was still posting on a weekly basis but there is not much to be done about that. I just don’t have the footage to share and making informative videos was and is a struggle. It bothered me for a few weeks but I quickly came to realize I just didn’t have the drive I had two years ago.

While last year I had some good content, I had mostly been coasting, doing simple foam fighting videos with limited editing. I was no longer actively improving in the medium. My variety of content over last year was down too, I wasn’t making any scripted videos. Hell, I even wrote a video script for a video but I just couldn’t bring myself to record it. I was and still am struggling to find my drive.

This feeling of being disconnected from my YouTube work, feeling unmotivated and unable to push any sort of boundary, has infected more than just my videos. Over the past few months I’ve found it hard to work on my writing, I can’t even seem to put forth the effort to edit, let alone write more. It’s even affected my work on Dungeons and Dragons content, which I love.

In December I had started to release an old novel I wrote as a serial (you can read it HERE). It still needed to be edited, but I had a good start on it and I was able to post weekly scenes for over three months. Sadly it has been over a month since my last post. It’s been hard to force myself to sit down and edit. I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of casual apathy that is infecting me.

This feeling has been spreading through me for months now. I thought I could just take it easy, relax, recharge and come back to the work, but it’s starting to look like that might not be the case and it bothers me to no end. I don’t want to lose the momentum I’ve built on the channel over the years and I’ve really enjoyed the community that has developed around my content creations.

Eight Long Years

This content creation journey has been a long and rewarding venture. I started writing blogs on Facebook nearly 8 years ago and eventually migrated it to it’s own dedicated website (The one you’re on!). Then when the pandemic started I tried my hand at streaming, and when the world opened up again, I started creating YouTube content.

When I started writing blogs I had no idea I would stream or end up with a YouTube Channel. I certainly didn’t expect it would help me get to Las Vegas or lead to me being able to replace my car’s engine. It’s been a wild journey and I’m not ready for it to end. Yet, I am sometimes struck with this sinking feeling, like it is slowly coming to an end

Summer Events

I do have plans for this summer, sadly none of them are for content, but they are events that will allow me to create content. I’m cooking for for a local Amtgard group, Eternal Glades, this weekend. I’m going to Western Wars in May then in July I’m going to an Amtgard park up in Washington, The Three Lakes, where they hold boat battles on actual lakes. I have to see how that goes!

I may also go to Northern Light’s mid-reign campout in June, that is undecided but I know in August I’ll be going to Trials of the Pacific Main 3. I managed to go to the first one ( I have a video blog about it HERE) but I was unable to go to the second one. Then In October I’ll be going to Ashland for the second Fight at the Bridge of Skulls event. All in all it feels like a lot of events and it’s a good mix of both Belegarth and Amtgard. I will of course be attending day events through out the summer as well.

Summer Content Troubles

All of these events I’m attending this summer lend themselves well for being turned into content. However, I’m worried I will continue to coast and I’ll record nothing worth sharing. I would love to provide something more than my fighting videos. For example, I really should do some more vlogs.

But I guess that’s kind of the point, there are a lot of things I should be doing and yet I’m doing very few of them. Part of me worries I’m slipping back into a deeper depressive funk, but I don’t think that’s the case. There are no other signs of a worsening mental state, however, I was once told that the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, but vitality. A lack of vitality is certainly how I’ve been feeling when it comes to anything even remotely creative. So maybe my depression is on the rise, it’s hard to tell and I’m rather sensitive when it comes to my depression. I’m always worried it will get worse.

Final Thoughts

I’m not gone, not yet and this blog hopefully is proof of that. Despite my troubles I was able to write and share them with all of you. I can’t promise that I will increase my content beyond what I was able to do for most of last year, but I do have hope that it will continue. Hopefully the motivation will return soon. It’s a very cylindrical pattern in my life and I’ve yet to discover how to avoid the down turns in my life.

I am working on organizing my content creation process, I’ve created a project task board and I’m hoping it will help me tackle some of the projects I’ve already started and get me to work on some new ones. When I start working on new projects and I have some of my drive back I’m sure to make another blog about it.

Sadly, physical activity, such as foam fighting is put on a hold for the moment till I get my knee sorted out. Not having that activity has probably led to a down turn in my mood and I hope to get back to do that soon. At the very least physical therapy will be an increase in physical activity, even if it’s not foam fighting.

I will do my best not to wait another five months to do a blog and I hope to have something more to say than that I’m having troubles in life. At the very least I will be posting a blog about the Build A Scene Fantasy Writing Contest. The contest started last week and will be running for a few months as it is a multiple round contest. I plan on uploading the entries to the website for everyone to read.

Till next time, stay inspired, stay excited and keep fight!