It’s been two months since my last blog and I feel like a lot has happened since them, although in one sense, a lot less has happened than I would have expected. Let me explain.

I have not been able to go to many foam fighting events since my last blog, very few in fact, because my car engine died just two days after I posted said blog. It’s been a major blow, not just to creating content, but to my life overall.

The Car Situation

Losing a car is hard for anyone. The time between when the car dies and when it gets fixed or replaced can impact anyone’s life, not being able to go to the store, doctor’s appointments, or being able to see friends and family can take a toll on anyone. For me it’s particularly difficult.

The Impact On My Life

For most people in this situation, there is some hope of becoming mobile again. They know they will once again get transportation, it’s a matter of time. For me, that is not the case. I live on SSI (a government disability program) and the amount of money they give me is hardly enough to live on, let alone enough to plan for emergencies like this.

There is a certain amount of hopelessness that comes along with events like this. I’ve been put into a position of not knowing when, or even if, I will ever be able to transport myself anywhere ever again. Luckily I live close enough to my therapist to walk, however I’m not so lucky with my doctor’s office. Then there is my support network made up of my friends, family, and social circles. Almost all of them live over 20 miles away.

Questions of being able to feel independent aside, not being able to engage with my support network is a big blow to my mental health. As I mentioned I’m on SSI and that’s for depression. It’s serious enough that the government recognizes I can’t hold a normal job. This is not a casual diagnosis.

I should say I am safe, my depression is currently managed to the point that I don’t want to do self harm. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t great, but I want to make sure people understand my life is not currently in danger of me ending it.

My Support Network

I do worry about my future health if this situation continues. I’ll be honest, being unable to access my support network is a scary prospect. Over the years I’ve come to realize just how important it is to have when you’re dealing with depression. If it were not for being part of a social club like Amtgard, there were times I wouldn’t have left the house for weeks.

Even at my lowest points, I at least had a car where I could go out to Amtgard, even if only for an hour or two. I wouldn’t play, I wouldn’t really even engage socially, but being outside, around people who cared about my wellbeing, helped me survive through some darker moments in my life.

I of course have family and friends too, but most of them live 20+ miles away so, Amtgard aside, not having a car, I can’t even see those people most important in my life. The prospect of not being able to do so scares the shit out of me some nights.

Fixing The Car

The original quote to fix my car was nearly $8,000. A large portion of that was the used engine. At that price it was not worth fixing, however, I have managed to find another engine at a considerable savings. With this savings, it has now made the cost about the same as buying a new car, however the new car would be 15 years older, with 200k+ miles. So, I’ve decided to fix it.

I’m gambling a bit here, I’ve spent the last bit of my inheritance from my mother’s passing to purchase the engine. It is currently being shipped to the automotive shop. It only has 65k miles on it. The gamble is that I may not have the money to pay for them to install it.

Asking For Help

This is the part of the blog that distresses me the most. The need to ask help from you, the community reading this blog. I’ve set up a GoFundMe in an effort to raise funds to help pay for the instillation of the engine. I’m at a loss for what else I could do.

Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated, even if it’s just sharing the GoFundMe page

The LARP Part

I have not been able to go to any fighter practices due to being carless, but I did get a chance to go to a few day events thanks to my friends; specifically there were three events. One was an Amtgard event at a corn maze and the other two days were Belegarth days, Fight at the Bridge of Skulls and Battle of Pyke.

Fight at the Bridge of Skulls

This event was the first day of the new Belegarth group in Ashland, OR. I carpooled with BurBarry who I have to give a big thanks to for driving, it was a four and a half hour drive one way. I left my house at 4:30am and didn’t get home till 1:30am the next day. It was a long day.

I did a little short sword sparing on the side lines with Burbarry and Dangus but most of what I did was recording. Dangus did say he saw noticeable improvement in my short sword game though, which is always nice to hear.

I got a lot of recording done that day, I recorded three one on one fight videos and one interview video. Two of the three fighting videos are already published (Par vs Paksha, Huk vs Dwarf) as well as the interview video. I had the chance to interview Dwarf for LARP Chats. You might remember him from my event running Baelnorn and Friends Stream and my Vlog of Trials of the Pacific Maine.

Battle of Pyke

Dangus was kind enough to give me a ride to this event. Luckily I wasn’t really out of his way. I had a lot of fun at the event. Dangus, Gustav and I did some short sword sparing on the sidelines and I did alright. It took some time for me to warm up, but once I loosened up, I was moving more. I even managed to do some body manipulation while fighting, something I most certainly am not allowed to do at Amtgard. Pulling that off was a pretty awesome feeling.

I also got a lot of video from the day! A lot more than I thought I would and I have to thank Gustav for that. I was feeling self conscious and hesitated to record but he was persistent enough in trying to get me to pick up my camera that eventually I did.

Those videos are not out yet. I think I should be able to get two ditching videos and THREE bearpit videos out of what I recorded. That content will be what I release in December and going into January. I’m excited to be able to provide so much Belegarth Content!

Rutledge Corn Maze

Again, thanks to Dangus I was able to make this event. It’s an Amtgard event, ran by Mason, where they rent out a the Rutledge Corn Maze and do battle games in the actual maze. I didn’t participate but people had a lot of fun and it’s a unique experience.

I thought it would be fun to get some video of the battle games, but sadly it rained to much for me to be able to use my gear, but that’s okay. The more important reason for me to be there was to see my friend Devry get his knighthood. It was a simple ceremony, which is what he wanted. I was glad Dangus got me there.

I had a lot of fun catching up with people I hadn’t seen in months. Sadly,I wasn’t able to go to the last big camping event up in Washington so many of the people there I hadn’t seen since March. The farm’s food stand was also open, I got apple cider, hot coco, a grilled cheese and a pretty good tomato bisque.

Belt Stuff

I don’t often talk about my philopohy for my knightly family but I have some news and I wanted to share. In the last two months I went from having no active underbelts, to having a Person At Arms who quickly became a squire. Who is this l lucky person you might ask?

It’s Dangus! I offered him a Person At Arms belt and he accepted. I don’t make squires belts my first offering to people. There are some hurdles a person must over come before they get that offer.. The Person At Arms period is a sort of a trial period, not just for me, but also for the underbelt, to see if I’m a fit for them.

To be raised to the level of a squire they have to read a book; The Book of Five Rings. It was an important book for me during my time working my up the award ladder system of Amtgard. I’ve read it several times throughout my life and each time I understood the text in different ways. Part of the Baelnorn Experience is being exposed to this book. After my Person At Arms reads the book and we have a discussion, they can then be elevated to squire.

Dangus was the first one who managed to take the time to read the book in less than six months. He did it in a few weeks. We had the discussion about the book after Battle of Pyke. It was a good discussion and he seemed to appreciate having to have read the book. I then surprised him with a literal squires belt that night. I don’t think he actually expected a physical belt.

So now I have an active squire!

Final Thoughts

Like I said, a lot happened since the last blog just not much in the way of my foam fighting journey. Losing my car caused that to come grinding to a halt. So on that front there wasn’t much to say. I still managed to get out a few times, thanks to Dangus, so I have some content to share on my channel for at least another month or so.

It’s also the end of the year, which means my yearly wrap up blog. I did a quick look at my analytics and while I’m okay with how this year went, it wasn’t as good as last year. Keep an eye out for that blog.

Again, if you’re able to help me secure a car, I would greatly appreciate it. You can find my GoFundMe page HERE. Any thing helps, even if it’s just sharing the page and encouraging others to help.

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