Oct 16 2023

My Own Trials in the Pacific

Table Of Contents
  1. The Last Two Months
  2. Trial of the Content Creation Grind
  3. Trials of the Pacific Mane
  4. Where Is The Content?

I’m not able to release my normal Monday YouTube video for the second week, but I wanted release something today, so I went with a blog. I’ve written about what I’ve been up to the past two months, with a particular focus on the Trials of the Pacific Mane event.

The Last Two Months

The last two months have been wild. In six weeks I went to three deferent LARP campouts. Two Amtgard events, Pacific War, and Northern Light’s Fall Coronation Campout and the third was a Belegarth Event, Trials of the Pacific Mane. While I had a lot of fun at these three events, it’s also been something of a trail of endurance for me.

Then on to of that, this last weekend I made another trip up to Washington to visit with Riley. While we had a lot of fun, much like the LARP event, the weekend was also about work. We recorded two episodes of our podcast High Trek, as well as two of our mid week shows, High Tea Time. It’s always fun, but very exhausting, especially when we record back to back like that.

Trial of the Content Creation Grind

All this extra events and travel has made keeping up with my content creation goals difficult. There is such a thing as post-event blues and I’m susceptible to that too, just like anyone else. Plus I’m still dealing with what I hope is the tail end of an increased depression spike (read about that HERE) adding to the difficulty.

This has been a lot of traveling and work for me! Between the four weekends I’ve traveled at least 1,200. Then, each weekend I spent time working on recording content. Granted I also had a lot of fun, but it takes a deferent kind of energy to add work on top of the fun, which in and of itself causes exhaustion.

Even at the Northern Lights event, where I ended up not working as much as I expected, I put in work each day. Sadly there was an equipment issue and the vlog of the event I planned on doing didn’t have enough clean audio. You can read more about that weekend HERE. There will be at least one or two knighting videos though. I’ll publish those even if they have some audio issues.

Trials of the Pacific Mane

I want to take a little extra time to talk about one of the events in a little more detail, Trails of the Pacific Mane I was really exited to check out the Belegarth event. It deserves it’s own blog and it will get it, I recorded enough content I’ll be able to put together a vlog for the YouTube Channel! Still, I wanted to say a few words here about it as well.

My only other experience with a Belegarth event is Western Wars. (Check out the blog of my last visit to the event HERE.) I’ve gone there several times throughout the years, but until this year there hasn’t really been another Belegarth camping event within my driving distance.

I enjoyed seeing the differences between the two events. Unlike Western Wars, Trials had more planned events. There were several tournaments, battlegames and arts and science classes, plus planned night activities. There was even a quest board!

Western Wars is a more relaxed event and from my experience. The primary planned activities at the event were line fighting and night activities. Fun, very fun, but not the most diverse experience when it comes to events.

Unlike most events, where I sleep on site, I had an AIrbnb. I shared it with Gustav, who drove up with me and Devry. This limited my time I could spend hanging out socializing at night, but I had fun watching the fighting, I even fought a little with Gustav. I also attended a class on Belegarth war braids, it was fairly interesting. There will be more about that in the vlog.

The event runner Dwarf made a point to say hello and check in on me to see how I was doing several times through the event. He made me feel very welcome and not only that, he asked about feedback on the event. I was happy to provide some. He was very receptive and appreciated my advice and observations, which I appreciated. I like talking shop.

On top of the vlog I also recorded at least one of tournaments as well as the Real Battle (For those in Amtgard, Realms is the Belegarth version of Holdings). The tournaments were ran differently that I have experienced. In Amtgard It’s usually a bearpit or a bracketed tournament. At the event people just randomly got into a line, fought who was next to them, then the winners got back into winners only line and it was repeated, until there was one winner. It was an interesting way to organize a tournament.

The Realm Battle was pretty cool, it was two big teams and a smaller team duking it out. They did three rounds, and I think the video turned out really well. People were hyped for the battle, there was a lot pre-game battle chanting. I got some of it on video and I’m sure going to try and incorporate it into something!

Where Is The Content?

I have videos from every event attended, so when is it going to come out? I’ve already started to release it! The videos will generally come out in order of recording. I have already released one PacWar video and one NLCC video.

The rest of the videos will probably come out in order, starting with the rest of the tournament videos at PacWar, I will then the release the knighting videos from NLLC followed by the fighting videos at The Trials of the Pacific Mane and ending with the vlog from the event. This will take several weeks, but they are coming! I also recorded some ditching at my local park of Silvermoon, so that might be thrown into the mix some where.

If you like my content consider becoming a Patron on Patreon. You can see my Tier 2 (Rock Gnomes) and 3 (Tinker Gnomes) supporters on my Patreon Supporters page as well as find out how to become a Patron yourself.

Sep 27 2023

Taking it Easy at NLCC

Table Of Contents
  1. Buzz Buzz Goes The Wire
  2. The Day to Beat
  3. Northwest Community Building
  4. Back Porch Court
  5. A Little Wrap-up
  6. General Updates

It’s time to take off that depression blog off the front page and put up a something a little more upbeat. That is, my trip to Northern Light’s Coronation Campout, Fall 2023. NLCC is an Amtgard camping event put on by the Kingdom of Northern Lights.

This is one of the few times I’ve attended their fall coronation. Normally I only attend the spring coronation, but this year my friends D’gar and Gen were getting knighted and I wanted to make it a point to do everything I could to make it there and make it there I did.

I was going to go with Gustav, but he got sick, so I ended up driving up alone. I got to listen to my music loud and enjoy the new subwoofer. I had a reasonably enjoyable drive up, it gave me time to think and ponder, while going boom boom along the highway.

Buzz Buzz Goes The Wire

When I arrived, I set up my bed and decided I was going to do a vlog this event. I spent time recording an intro, and it turns out there is a buzzing noise. This also happened when I recorded the knightings the next day. However it did not seem to happen when I recorded my fighting videos. Best guess is a cord is going out, I have since ordered a new one.

It was at this point on Thursday, I figured a vlog was probably off the table, which honestly, I think it turned out for the best. This was one of the few event in the last two years I wasn’t working at the in some compacity. It was for sure the first Northern Lights campout I wasn’t working at since the pandemic. At this point I decided to take it easy.

I’m still dealing with the depression, I was low energy, so I don’t have any wild stories. I went to bed at 1:30am Thursday night, which it sounded like I missed some good party times on the back porch. Although I was eventually caught up and there was more good times to be had at the back porch that weekend.

The Day to Beat

Unknown to everyone, Friday was the big game day. The weather was nice, maybe a little too hot. I spent several hours at the field that day, most of which was watching jugging. It was a random team generation with non competitive matches. It went smoothly and it seemed everyone had a pretty fun time. There were a good amount of people who had never played the game before. I think it was a good introduction.

I did manage to get some video on Friday. One was a two to three minute video of Unum and Raff going at it with great swords, the heat got to them pretty fast. The other video is of Aera and Skorri dueling with dual short swords. It’s a full ten minutes long. I’m looking forward to editing it.

Despite not much happening, I ended up being the last person up in the common areas Friday night, going to bed sometime around 5. it was a pretty chill night. I had a few beers, ate a few edibles (legal in my state) and kind of just roamed around some groups.

With most of my friends from up north engaged with running the event, I didn’t get to spend as much time with them as I normally would have. This led me to jump around a bit more than I have these past few events. I spent some time on the porch, some time in the hall and time at the amphitheater. At one point Kimjim saw me take a dab and noted that I took it like a champ. It was just a cool random moment.

Northwest Community Building

Saturday turned out to be a very wet day. It didn’t really start to stop till early evening. The downside was I couldn’t get any video, not all my equipment is waterproof, the upside, there was some strong sense of comradery between those people who toughed it out in the rain.

For example, the The First Third Annual “Name Redacted” Tournament (RIP Dogboy) was held in the morning, in the rain. It didn’t stop, not once, it got worse at times. There was one point I sought refuge in my car but I tried to at least tough it out. I was supposed to record Heron and Opi after the tournament!

Alas it was not to be, the rain never let up and I never got that video, but I did get this cool picture of all the people who entered the tournament. Again, like the jugging, everyone seemed to have a blast, sprits were high and I think some new bonds of friendship were born from the joint suffering of the Northwest rain.

Back Porch Court

Did I mention that NLCC had 215 people on sight when gate closed on Thursday night? Well it did, that’s huge for this event. I think the final numbers were around 280. Needless to say court was packed. I didn’t even attempt to stand in the building. I went to the Back Porch like all the other degenerates.

Still, thanks to Devry standing at the door and yelling out what was being given out for use porch goers, I was able to hear of some very deserving awards that went out. One of particular note was Guin’s Paragon Assassin.

Just early that day she was talking about how, out of all the awards she’s been striving for, that’s the one that would mean the most to her. She confided in me she was worried that due to life stuff it might take another few years before she had the chance to earn it again. She had no idea she was going to be getting it later that night. I was so happy for her.

After court I spent most of the rest of the night hanging out in the stage hall with the some of my friends and sister packmates who had been running the event, the Inland Ocean peoples. Then I was off to bed!

A Little Wrap-up

I enjoyed the event and it sounded like many others enjoyed themselves as well. For a rather large dedicated group of fighters who endured and even thrived in the rain on Saturday morning and beyond, it will be a rather memorable event, or so I suspect.

I must also make note of the wonderful feast Saturday, cooked by Cole and their crew. I had a chance to chat with Cole about the feast Thursday and then a little bit about feast after the event. They were enjoyable conversations.

I should note more than two people helped in the kitchen, this was just the pictures I had.

General Updates

Now that my semi-vacation Amtgard event is over, what is next? Well, it’s Belegarth and it’s in a little under two weeks. I’ll be going to Trials of The Pacific Mane up in Washington.

It’s a new Belegarth campout and I’m excited to be able to go to this inaugural camping event. It looks like it’s going to be another well attended event. All the camping spots are already taken! I’ll be staying near by with Gustav and Devry. I’m not sure what I’m in for or what kind of video I’ll be getting.

I’m thinking of doing a reordering of my projects and will make a post concerning my projects going forward. Hopefully before I leave for Trials.

One project I’m really interested in trying to workshop, is a fighting league with rankings and tournaments. Hit me up if you want to hear more about that! More the merrier. Cross Gamers more than welcome but the default ruleset will be Amtgard foam fighting, at least to start.

You can see my Tier 2 (Rock Gnomes) and 3 (Tinker Gnomes) supporters on my Patreon Supporters page as well as find out how to become a Patron yourself.

Aug 17 2023

Depression and Content Creation: A Personal Story

*CAUTION: There is some Discussion of Major Depression Disorder and all that can go along with that.

Table Of Contents
  1. Where I've been
  2. Where I’m At: A Critical Moment
  3. What This All Means

This is a blog post! I haven’t been very communicative the last few months and I want to talk about that, what it means for my content and what that might mean going forward. This will mostly be talking about where I’ve been and where I’m at rather than where I’ll be going. I’ll be getting a little bit personal on this one. I’ll be talking about my struggles with my depression.

Where I’ve been

It might not have been obvious to everyone, but if you were paying close attention to my communications, you will have noticed I haven’t been very active since around the middle of June. I’d like to talk about why that is. Simply stated, it is probably depression. To put that in context I’d like to briefly go over the history of this struggle.

The Early Years: A Long Struggle

I was first diagnosed with depression in Highschool, some 28 years ago. It has come and gone, to agree, over those years, but it’s always been lingering in the background. Coupled with the fact it turned out I had an anxiety disorder, ADHD and a writing disorder, which I wasn’t diagnosed with till the age of 29 or 30. It feels I’ve struggled with just just living for half my life. It’s a whole thing.

In fact, it culminated into something I don’t think I’ve mentioned on my blog before. I’ve been on SSI (a specific type of disability) for the past few years. I say it mostly to exemplify exactly how bad the depression can get. It’s gotten so bad that the State says It affects me so much it’s not reasonable I can work in the general work force. I don’t intend to go into it, but I’d be fine talking about it another time if people wanted me to.

I have some good news though, it’s taken most of my life time, but we’ve finally found a combination of drugs that has stabilized me. I haven’t had any suicidal ideation in nearly two years and my current depression swing doesn’t seem to be accompanied with the darker thoughts that usually accompany one. My medication is working, but it can only do so much.

That leads me to the subject of the last few months.

The Last Few Months: A New Challenge

Looking back I think this current bout started around mid or late June. It’s only the last month I realized I might be going through a depressive episode. I started to go to less social engagements, stopped committing myself to long term and medium term projects in LARP. Over time I found it hard to focus for long periods of time. Then it became harder and harder to get motivated, and some days I have found myself in bed struggling to get out, for hours.

This greatly affected my content creation but I understand if you haven’t noticed. Despite my struggles I was still putting out regular content over this whole time. The months leading up to this I was able to create enough content cover myself in case something like this happened.

In some way, this has made this experience less stressful and anxiety inducing than other bouts of depression, but that’s coming to an end.

Is It Depression?

I haven’t been just been looking at depression for the reason why it’s been hard to focus and I’ve had low energy or motivation to do even some of the most basic things. In fact I didn’t even think it was depression at first, because I wasn’t suffering the gloomy thoughts usually associated with depression.

It’s been suggested that it is my diabetes, I thought that unlikely based on how I’ve had other diabetics describe the reduced energy affects, but I figured I’d look into it. I’ve had some tests done and my A1C has actually improved by 2 whole points (only 1 more point away from the target number!). That makes it seem more likely it is depression.

I still have another doctor’s appointment to talk about other possible a causes. I’m relatively certain it’s depression now, but I don’t want to dismiss that it could be something else without getting it checked out first.

Where I’m At: A Critical Moment

As of the writing of this rough draft, I only have one more non-short video edited and ready to go and that goes live in a week. I still have enough raw video for a few more weeks, so I hope I’ll be able to keep my schedule without any disruptions.

Structure?

I lost a lot of momentum the last few months, but I’m not starting from zero, so I don’t feel as hopeless as I normally would be in the past. That being said, I lost some of the structure I had developed for myself. It will be hard to create that again, it will take time.

In that way it will feel a lot like starting over. While the work will go faster, and the quality will be better, than if I really did start over, it won’t feel that way to me when I’m struggling to work on it. Now I realize what I’m dealing with, I do know some coping mechanisms to help me get back on track. I also do go to a therapist who is of some aid in finding coping mechanisms.

I’m going to start working on goals to create structure. I’m working on getting a whiteboard I can put in a highly visible spot, where I can use to keep these goals in mind. It’s a technique that helped me get through my last year of University. It isn’t perfect, I still have to contend with lack of energy, but it will help with keeping my goals in mind.

I’ll start small first, keep them general and what I consider reasonable, given whatever my state of mind is at that moment. These will be short term goals with the aim to build up some work structure again.

Regrets: A Lost Opportunity

When I had two months of content ready to go I thought I could take some time to refocus on my content, work on some other projects for YouTube and learn a few new skills. That was not the case. I was able to learn a few more editing tweaks and experimented with the editing style of the content I put out. However, I was unable to really develop any new projects.

I regret the loss of that time, but I am comforted, in some degree, that I was able to continue to put out content while I was struggling to do any work at all. It also gives me hope that I can get back to where I was at at a reasonable speed.

What This All Means

So where does this leave us? Hopefully in a decent place, all things considered. Hopefully you won’t see any disruption in my Monday released YouTube content, but it is possible. I hope you are understanding. I am making efforts to cope with the current situation.

There is of course other content that I would like to get back into the mix. The monthly chat stream Baelnorn and Friends the Let’s LARP videos and of course LARP Chats are all things I’d like to continue. It will take some time till I’m able to get that content back on track.

Right now I’m focused on getting back to working on the raw fighting videos I currently have and making a point to go to LARP and get more fighting video. Once I get back into that habit I’ll work on the previously mentioned projects.

When I’m back on track I will reassess my midterm and long term goals and write a blog about them.

If you like my content consider becoming a Patron on Patreon. You can see my Tier 2 (Rock Gnomes) and 3 (Tinker Gnomes) supporters on my Patreon Supporters page as well as find out how to become a Patron yourself.